january 7, 2020—million dollar baby

ohmygod, I’m on a roll today here today—this is on just one cup of coffee, y’all…So, here’s my brilliant million-dollar-money making idea that I’m going to share with everyone here, because I’ve also become insanely generous in these 7 days being AF—we’ll share the multimillions, mmm’k?? Okay. SO. Let’s start a reverse-psychology campaign—it’ll go something like this:

Someone super-sexy appears on the screen (okay, me, cuz it’s my idea.😂) will look directly into the camera, maybe lick her lips—gross, scratch that—do a hair toss (check her nails, baby how you feelin’—feelin’ good as hell!—oh wait, sorry—) then say in a sultry voice: “What if I promised that you could look 10 years younger, 10 pounds lighter, at least a few inches taller, have BETTER SEX (let’s capitalize sex, of course, but for real, it’s true, amirite or amirite?!), better sleep, better skin, reduction in joint pain, improved gut health, improved mental clarity, instant charisma, better memory, better speaking skills, improved blood pressure, thicker, shinier hair, longer fingernails, more satisfying relationships, lower credit card bills, less coffee in the morning {{{fill in the blanks with contributions from the group}}}, WITH NO MONEY DOWN AND NO MONTHLY PAYMENTS. In fact, you will quite literally save hundreds, if not thousands of dollars a year (maybe “a month,” for some of us…

All you have to do is….(drum roll, pregnant pause, suspense-building tactic here): STOP DRINKING. (BOOM. mic drop). Thank you ladies and germs. I’m here for another two hours. Try the salmon loaf, it’s to die for…xo


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